


And They Were Roommates!

by DemonProcrastiNerd



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Sykkuno loves to troll, covid doesn't exist here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28950396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonProcrastiNerd/pseuds/DemonProcrastiNerd
Summary: Lam didn’t know what to expect when she drunkenly accepted Toast’s proposition to move in with one of his friends. And she’s pretty sure the last person she expected to see when she opened the door to her new apartment was the living anime boy that most of Twitch simped for. Then again she also didn’t expect him to turn the camera to Bimbus when chat asked for a New Year’s Kiss...
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. And What Better way to Begin, Than With the Middle

**Author's Note:**

> Did I write this for my creative writing class? Yes. Did my professor enjoy the piece? Also yes. Do I regret it? Nah.  
> This was supposed to be a one-shot....

“Lam, you ok?” Lily asks me as her piano playing comes to a lull and I stop fiddling around with my guitar. The last chord of “Stomach Tied in Knots” hangs in the hair and I’m a bit lost in my thoughts, “Huh? Oh... Yeah, I’m fine lol.”

She doesn’t look like she believes me, but chat starts spamming questions about my relationship status, “Why is it that every time we play a love song they suspect that you have someone in mind?!”

“Wishful thinking?”

“Yeah but like oh my god look at tall these people. Is Lam single? When will Lam get a boyfriend? Lam, tell us about your love life? Secret lover? Like- what is this bullshit?"

I laugh and brush it off while looking at the camera, “I know some of y’all wanna live vicariously through me, but I’m still single. That’s not changing anytime soon.” A few songs later, Michael joining us for a dramatic rendition of Pink Guy’s “Anal Beads” and Lily ends stream. Temmie, her pet pomeranian, is seated on her lap- and they both are looking at me almost expectantly.

“Ya know what? Let’s talk about our feelings, how are you feeling today?”

“I’m feeling alright, I think?”

“You think?” Temmie cocks her head to the side, I shift in my seat.

“Do you remember how Sykkuno and I streamed for New Year’s?”

“Yeah? What about it?” She furrows her eyebrows, “Did something happen?”

With a heavy sigh, I think back to the end of last year, “Well…”

* * *

_"We did it guys, we got ‘em! We’re insane.” I hear him say from his bedroom- I check my Twitch from my phone and notice he’s streaming League of Legends again. I finish making the breakfast burritos and walk into the room as the other team surrenders, “Sykkuno~, did you eat yet?”_

_“Uhh not yet- Oh. You asked because you already cooked for me.” He looks at me a bit surprised and scoots his chair over. I push the other chair over so I can sit next to him and utter the obligatory “Hi, chat!”_

_I see a flood of hearts and sykUwu emotes in the chat, and some of the viewers greet me, a few of them even comment on how delicious the burritos look._

_“Alright guys, I think that’s all for today. See you next time!” He says in his usual shy awkward voice before turning off the stream and taking the plate I brought for him. We eat the meal in a content almost-silence as a Lo-Fi playlist plays in the background. I hear a soft tapping of paws on the ground and from between my legs I see a white curly fur- Bimbus, his pet dog, must’ve decided to curl up under my seat._

_“Thank you. For the burrito.” He says, covering his mouth with his hands and nodding slightly. I smile back at him, “No problem,” and continue eating._

_“Are you heading back to NYC for New Year’s?” he asks me._

_"Ah, no. I’m staying in LA, are you doing anything for New Year’s?”_

_"Oh uh no. My parents are busy so I’m staying here.”_

_A silence hangs in the air and we finish eating and head to the kitchen to wash our dishes. Bimbus follows us before curling up in a corner- and we talk about the cooking stream we want to do for Christmas next week._

* * *

_"Pocky!!!”Lily pulls out a box of matcha flavored pocky from behind her back. I’m sitting on one of the chairs in front of her desk, laughing as she hands me one to eat as we scroll through a subreddit._

_"Ya know what? Ya know what?” Lily says in her high pitched voice, “I’m sooooo sober.”_

_"Oh yeah totally, that’s why you’re slurring, right?”_

_"I’m not slurringgggg.”_

_“Lily.”_

_"Lam.”_

_"How much soju have we drank?”_

_“Does it really matter though? I’m not drunk.”_

_"Alright, you keep telling yourself that.” I laugh as I try counting the green bottles. The door to Lily’s room opens and Michael is holding a box, “Do you guys want some Spam musubi?”_

_I swear that man is a godsend, if I drank any more without something substantial in my stomach I’d probably be as drunk as Lily. Meanwhile, Lily’s face lights up immediately at the sight of her boyfriend and she extends her arms towards him, wordlessly asking for a hug that of course he gives her with a heartfelt smile. Spam musubis now distributed amongst us, Michael pulls over another chair so he can join us. After looking at different memes and fan art on the OTV subreddit for a while, Sykkuno and Toast join in. Attempts were made at freestyle rapping (or in Toast’s case slam poetry) until someone mentioned the Pocky game. All the Toastkuno shippers probably lost their minds as Sykkuno laughed, breaking the pocky before Toast could get close enough to possibly kiss him._

_"Wait. What about Lam and Sykkuno? Why don’t you two try it?” someone suggests, I had too much alcohol in my system to register whose voice it was that said it though._

_"What?” Sykkuno laughs, covering his mouth as always before Toast hands me the pocky. From my seat, I look up and watch as Sykkuno is pushed forward a bit and he bites the other end of the pocky. It was my first time seeing him this close, and his dark brown eyes were trying to look at anywhere in the room but me. The closer he gets I freeze up and the pocky breaks, we laugh and break away from each other- but just late enough to feel the slight graze of his lips against mine._

* * *

_“Wait you ordered sushi?” I say as I walk into our living room. It had been a week since the pocky incident and we’ve barely been able to look at each other without awkward blushes. The only time we interacted was the times I cooked food for him. Other than that it was always kinda awkward_

_“Oh, yeah. I didn’t really feel like eating ramen again.”_

_“Ah, it looks really good.”_

_“Yeah, I uh… I got enough for both of us.”_

_“Oh… thanks.”_

_Sykkuno nods and shifts awkwardly, “Well, let’s eat?”_

_There’s some more awkward silence until there was a sudden, “I dunno what I did wrong but whatever it is… I’m sorry?”_

_“Wait what?”_

_“I dunno I thought I did something wrong cuz we haven’t spoken all week.”_

_“Wait- dude you’ve been avoiding me all week.”_

_“What? No I haven’t. I thought you were mad at me-”_

_“Why would I be mad at you?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_“You’re hopeless sometimes, you know that?” I facepalm, “Wait is that why you ordered sushi?”_

_“Maybe.” He says, his lips pressed together in an awkward thin line._

_Silence is quickly overtaken by starting stream and talking to chat about plans for the coming year as we enjoyed our meal. I think it was one of the first times I’d ever seen him comfortable with eating on camera, I guess he really was starting to get more confidence._

_“I’m so full. That sushi was so good.” I lean back against the couch and smile contently._

_“Oh, it’s almost midnight.” Sykkuno says while looking at chat, “What? Do people kiss at midnight for New Year’s? That’s a thing?”_

_I start to giggle as he probably feigns innocence. “Are you gonna give them a New Year’s kiss, Sykkuno~?”_

_“What? No! You guys wouldn’t actually like that would you?” He baits the chat, “You would? What? No, you’re trolling me, guys.”_

_“Gotta give them the fanservice, ya know? Pay that water bill.”_

_“Hmmm, Oh! I know, you guys can have your New Year’s kiss with Bimbus!”_

_“You’re trolling them.” I laugh as he takes his phone, turns it to face Bimbus, and mutes the stream._

_10._

_“I mean, it gives us a chance to talk, right?”_

_“I guess so? But it’s almost midnight.”_

_7._

_“I know.” He leans his arm on the couch and moves closer to me._

_5._

_I move closer to him, “Should I go get pocky?”_

_2._

_“Nah.”_

_1._

_Happy New Year._

* * *

Lily blinks, “Wait and you two haven’t talked about it for the last three months?”

“Nope. And then like I don’t wanna make anything weird, especially cuz we’re all friends. Plus we’re roommates, so I don’t wanna mess anything up cuz we have the lease, and I don’t wanna be the next twitch drama that Destiny covers on his channel. ”

She looks at me in disbelief, “So why don’t you two just talk about your feelings? I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Lily, I don’t even know what my feelings are! I just know he kissed me and now I’m a confused dumbass.”


	2. Avoidance Prolongs the Inevitable, And We’re the Destination

Sometimes I wonder if I stare long enough at the ceiling I’ll find an answer to my problems. Lily was just having a chill stream today- mostly just interacting with chat while drawing and listening to music. I was unable to really move from her futon since her pet pomeranian, Temmie, was curled up on my stomach so I found myself pondering my life. Right after college, I had moved to Canada to live with my boyfriend at the time. He took up streaming as a part-time job while doing freelance art jobs and I had worked at a nearby electronics company. The pay was decent and on my days off I’d join his streams when he’d play video games or talk to chat during his breaks from doing larger art projects. Eventually, I started getting more into streaming and voice acting, which resulted in quitting my day job. After my relationship became a dumpster fire I ended up moving back to the US and headed to California and befriended some of the members of OfflineTV. Playing videogames was fun and one summer evening I had found myself at one of their house parties.

* * *

_I don’t know how much I drank, but I barely feel anything. Maybe that’s okay? It’s getting late and I stare at the light reflecting off the pool, my knees pulled up to my chest._

_“Enjoying the party?” a voice says from behind me. I don’t need to turn around to know that it’s Toast._

_“I’m not much for crowds right now.”_

_“Lily told me you barely left your room at all for the last few weeks.”_

_“Breakups suck.”_

_“Yeah… but change is good, ya know?” He sits down next to me and offers me some bubble tea. I don’t remember when exactly they ordered, but I was thankful that got some for me._

_“I mean I guess so…”_

_“Speaking of change, you need a place to stay, right?” Toast asks. The last few weeks I had been staying in a hotel room not too far from where they lived, but I needed to find somewhere more permanent to live since I didn’t plan on moving back in with my parents…_

_“Yeah… why?”_

_“I think I have just the place for you. One of my friends needs to work on some of their social skills so you won’t be alone since they’ll be there too.”_

_“I dunno…”_

_“2 bedrooms. 1 bathroom. Full kitchen. There’s even a balcony.”_

_“Toast, what if they don’t like me?”_

_“I don’t think that’s possible.”_

_With a drunken sigh, I take another long sip of my bubble tea, “So how soon can I move in?”_

* * *

_Toast, Michael, and Lily helped me with moving my things into the new apartment. It took a few trips up the elevator to get everything to my room, but by the time we finished setting up my desktop set up and the kitchen was up to my standards, it was getting late. As we were ordering food I heard a shuffling of feet and looked up to see a tall thin figure wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt, shoulders slouched forward a bit, and messy hair._

_“Oh uhm… Sorry… I just woke up,” the person covered his face in embarrassment, but their voice sounded… unreal… like an anime dub…_

_“It’s okay. We were just ordering dinner actually, did you want?” Toast answers for me and I shift awkwardly. The person cheers up and they begin talking about food, finally Toast gestures towards me, “Oh, Sykkuno, this is Lam. Your new roommate.”_

_I hear a sudden bark and from behind Sykkuno scampers out a fluffy white dog who runs over towards me and begins sniffing at me. With an awkward laugh my new roommate says, “I guess Bimbus likes you.”_

* * *

_“Why are there so many frozen burritos in the freezer?” I ask Sykkuno. It’s probably one of the first conversations we’ve had this week, but it’s 5 in the afternoon and I wanted to eat something and there’s like no fresh ingredients in the fridge._

_“I like burritos.”_

_“Sykkuno, when’s the last time you did groceries.”_

_“Uhh… whenever I bought those probably.” He bobs his head nonchalantly and I stare at him in awe before declaring that today is grocery shopping day. Over the course of the next few weeks we developed a system where I would do all the cooking but Sykkuno would help with the dishes and sometimes with the cooking if I was making something complicated._

* * *

Initially, we had agreed to keep it a secret that we were living together, especially since there would definitely be speculations as to whether or not we were dating. Obviously, we weren’t together but fans generally tend to take things to the extreme. At first, we didn’t show up on each other’s streams at all, and then a few months into living together we would occasionally show up on each other’s streams.

However, people probably started putting the pieces together when we’d be streaming at the same time and if one of us yelled loud enough you could faintly hear us in the other’s stream. Initially, the fan theories were that we were neighbors but those theories were eventually disproven by a mistake…

* * *

_“FUCK.” I yelled after accidentally dropping some pans while slipping. I heard a muffled “Are you okay,” followed by a panicked, “I needa go check on my roommate.” before I heard the quick shuffling of feet and I looked over to see Sykkuno standing over me. He extended his arm to help me up, “How did you even fall?”_

_“I was reaching for a pot so I could boil so eggs,” I said, rubbing the back of my head._

_“C’mon, let’s just order lunch.” He says, and we walk into his room, “Hey guys! Sorry about that, my roommate’s fine though.”_

_“Yeah, I just slipped when reaching for a pot,” I explain as he reaches for his phone so we can order through Postmates. By the time we sit down and look at the chat, it’s so flooded with “and they were ROOMMATES” and pog emotes that we just laugh._

* * *

Being roommates came with a routine that our chat probably noticed sooner than we did. At some point whenever I cooked, especially if I knew I hadn’t heard him come out of his room, I would show up to his stream unannounced with food. I didn’t do it every stream, but enough of them that it became a common occurrence. In fact, there were even a few times I’d be hungry but he’d show up to my stream with two microwaved burritos in hand. It was wholesome, and I appreciated that part of our friendship. Slowly we got to know each other better and that came with the benefit of being able to cook either of our favorite meals whenever we wanted to.

* * *

_We’re enjoying some tacos on the couch when I break the silence, “I wanna give you a nickname.”_

_“Oh... uh…” he says, covering his mouth out of politeness, “I’ve never really been given nicknames…”_

_“What if I just combine your real name with your IGN?”_

_“How are you gonna combine Thomas and Sykkuno?”_

* * *

_“Tokkuno~ Did you eat yet?” I walk into his room carrying two peanut butter and banana sandwiches._

_“Not yet, I’m streaming Among Us rn. Did you wanna say hi to chat?”_

_“Oh, hi chat! Are you impostor this round?”_

_“Yeah, do you wanna watch?”_

_“Sure.”_

_He returns his focus to the game for a bit before looking at the chat, “Why does she call me Tokkuno? Oh, that’s the nickname she gave me, it’s really cute, right? You guys wanna call me that? Uh… no I think I’m fine with just Lam calling me that. Guys stop spamming it in the chat, you’re trolling me.” He laughs as I sit on the stool next to him. I set his sandwich on the desk and stay quiet as someone calls an emergency meeting._

* * *

“Hey, Lam,” Lily begins, interrupting my thoughts and bringing me back to reality, “Do you know when Sykkuno is getting back from visiting his parents?”

Temmie hops off of me and scurries towards Lily, I sit up for the first time in probably a half-hour, “I think later tonight or tomorrow? He wasn’t exactly specific, plus I think he was dropping Bimbus off to stay with them for a while.”

I stand up and walk over, looking at some of the drawings she’s done, “Oh! Do you wanna draw something for chat?”

“Uhmm, sure?” I say and she lets me take her seat, I look at the chat, “Alright guys, what do you think I should draw?”

The chat was moving pretty fast, so I could only catch a few words. Some of the viewers were greeting me, and others were busy spamming the chat with emotes or random questions.

“Am I any good at drawing? Not particularly. I also don’t have a consistent style since I just draw for fun… Why didn’t Sykkuno take me to meet his parents? The man wanted to spend time with his family, I’m not going to intrude on that. But I’m his roommate? Okay cool, that doesn’t give me the right to intrude on his life. Draw something? Now that’s a good idea. Hmmm… What do you want me to draw? Draw a creepy clown…. Okay, sure I can do that.”

“Wait don’t make it too creepy, keep it TOS,” Lily says, worried I might draw something that could get us banned.

I nod and smirk, “Alright kiddos, have you heard of a little webcomic called Homestuck?” The chat is filled with a mixture of yes and no, “No, I haven’t read it. I did have a friend that was really into it, though, so I’m going to draw one of the characters from it.”

I start drawing roughly, making long half-oval eyes and curled hair with a sharp-toothed smile, “Looks like Corpse Husband’s avatar? Honestly, yeah. It- Gamzee kinda does, I wonder if he’d ever do a cosplay for that if he’s ever comfortable showing what he looks like. Then again he wouldn’t have to show his face if he wore a mask for it.”

After making the short sketch and talking a bit more with Lily and the chat, we end the stream and I grab my purse. Temmie runs around my feet while Lily clips her hair back, “So have you and him talked about it?”

“About what?” I adjust the hem of my shirt before absentmindedly twisting it a bit and tucking the twisted cloth under my bra so I can adjust my shirt to an almost crop top.

“New Year’s.”

“No…”

“Lam… you can’t keep avoiding the fact that you two kissed on New Year’s.”

* * *

“Ah, you’re back. Welcome home,” I blink as I hear the door open and Sykkuno shuffles in, “How was seeing your parents?”

“It was ok, I was able to see my grandma too, so that was nice. What are you cooking?” He walks over to me as I scramble some eggs and watch the kettle.

“Scrambled eggs. Was gonna heat up some leftover rice to have with it and then make some instant miso soup. Figured that’d be a meal. Do you want some- I think there’s some meat in the fridge I can heat up so we can split the eggs?”

We eat our meal in silence, and he fidgets a bit. I want to ask if something is on his mind, but I think it’s best if I just focus on the meal for now.

* * *

“Is it harder to kabe-don someone if you’re the same height?” I ask Michael as we tinker in his garage. He needed an extra pair of hands to do some soldering for a new project he was working on. I don’t exactly know what the project is, but it’s probably for a video- I was just glad that I was doing a pretty good job since I hadn’t done any soldering since my college days.

“Where did that come from?”

“Cuz like kabe-don is really cute, right? So sometimes I wonder if it’s cute regardless of height when confessing to someone.”

“Huh. I dunno, how do you think a shorter person does it to a taller person? Like if you can’t reach over their shoulder it kinda defeats the purpose, right?”

“What’s a kabe-don?” Tokkuno asks, walking in and holding a glass of water. I share a glance with Michael, “Tokkuno~ can you do me a favor and stand against that wall?”

“Uh sure, should I put my water dow-”

“Yes.” Michael interrupts. Judging by the look on his face, Lily has probably told him all about the New Year's incident.

There is a heavy silence after my palm hits the wall, I’m standing on the tips of my toes and we’re a lot closer to each other. I see his Adam’s apple shift as he gulps, unsure of how to react to the sudden closeness. My eyes keep going back and forth from looking at his eyes and his lips… soft lips. I pull away and turn around hopefully before he can notice that I’m blushing.

* * *

“Wait. Wait, Michael- Michael. Big brain time, are you ready? So so so so,” We haven’t slept in over 24 hours but we’re chilling in Lily’s room because it’s a great place to be when drunk at 4 in the morning, “Bone broth- and just think about it, okay- bone broth is just bone tea.”

“Wait…” he stares at empty space for a moment, “Yes. Yes, that is true.”

“Wait but by that logic, vegetable broth is just vegetable tea… then it’s herbal tea?” Lily adds.

“Exactly, exactly. So that means if you put a bunch of people in water…. Then it’s just socie-tea.”

“And people staying in the water for too long is why socie-tea is bitter.” Lily sighs.

“Right, so flood an insane asylum you get insani-tea.”

“Bathe a veteran you get ampu-tea.”

“All of us in the water? Disabili-tea.”

At this point we’re all clenching our stomachs in laughter at the stupidity of our minds. Michael manages to regain his composure first, “Although there is one particular tea that I would love to know the temperature of- Lam, did anything happen after that kabe-don?”

“Ah… no. We haven’t really spoken about it…”

“Wait, what kabe-don?” Lily asks me, as Toast opens the door with several bags of snacks in his arms.

* * *

“Ah,” My back is against the wall between the bathroom and Tokkuno’s room, his hands on either side of me, “Tokkuno?”

His forehead is just barely brushing mine and he looks at me, I’m unable to read his intentions. There’s a dullness in his eyes and a cold warmth that I can barely grasp, but he quickly recoils and covers his face in embarrassment.

My face is red, from confusion or embarrassment I don’t know, but he quickly apologizes for the sudden moment.

“It’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“I- I mean… I heard you say about how it’s cute for confessing feelings so-”

I pull him towards me- sidestepping to turn us around- now have him pinned to the wall, “I like you, too.”

“W-wait really?”

“Yeah…”

There’s a moment of silence as we just look at each other before I break the silence, “Can I kiss you?”

* * *

“So, Lam, what’s your opinion on kabe-dons?” Lily asks as I take a swig of soju, both Tokkuno and I almost choke at the question.

“Ah fuck, that burns.” I cough, “Uhm I mean they’re uh, they’re pretty cute.”

“Yeah? What about you Sykkuno?” she asks and he’s acting flustered and covering his mouth, unsure how to respond.

“Uhm… what? I uh-”

“Now now, honey, there’s no need to grill them so much about it. At least we don’t have to pester them about New Year’s anymore.” Michael says, wrapping an arm around her. I shift closer to Tokkuno and smile at my drink.

* * *

I wrap my arms around his shoulders from behind, gently nuzzling the top of his head, “Tokkuno~”

He smiles and reaches up to pet my hair, “Wanna stream with me?”

“Does this mean no kisses until after stream?” I pout as I lean down to give him a few kisses before I head back to my room so we can play Valorant.

“Gotta pay that water bill.” he teases. I roll my eyes.

* * *

I hear incessant keyboard tapping before I can open my eyes, I look over and notice that I’m alone in bed, I see the light from the other side of the room divider and slowly crawl out of bed.

“Babe, are you playing League?” I yawn as I walk over and hug him from behind, kissing his head.

“Hmm? Yeah, I’m streaming,” He says as he looks up at me because the enemy Sejuani ganked top lane and just got a double kill off of him and their top laner.

“Okay…” I blink rapidly for a moment, my sleepy haze wearing off when I realize- “Did you just say you’re streaming?”

“Yeah, did you wanna say hi to chat-” opening up the chat he realizes it too, “Uhhh… they wanna know why you’re wearing my shirt.”

I realize that the secret’s out and I can’t help but laugh as I see people start to spam the chat with “oh my god, they were ROOMMATES”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the tea conversation was an actual thought I had at 2am.... I love word play


	3. Oh Baby, I’m A Wreck When I'm Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all good until the bad creeps in via the public eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had "Line Without A Hook" by Ricky Montgomery on repeat the entire time I wrote this I am so sorry.
> 
> Content Warning: Some su!c!dal thoughts and internet hate

The Sykkuno and OTV Reddits have been flooded with tons of memes about the accidental reveal. I scroll through, amused by the comments from people. A lot of the posts were people congratulating us and saying how cute we are together. I scroll through some of the comments when I see one written by probably some internet troll saying how he and I aren’t good for each other and I should just leave him because I’m supposedly using him for clout-

“I figured you could use some extra warmth,” Sykkuno smiles from the doorway, holding an extra blanket, “mind if I join?”

“Ah, sure.” I smile and discretely scroll to another post before he can see my screen

* * *

“Are you gonna tell him?” Lily asks me as I stare at the notification on my phone. My hands are shaking as I try to laugh it off, “Nah, I’ll be fine. I mean c’mon we knew I was bound to get some hate for dating him.”

“You don’t have to pretend to be strong so he doesn’t have to worry about you.”

“But-”

“Lam. He cares about you, I’m sure he’ll understand- besides I know what it’s like to have people constantly comment on your relationship.”

I stare down at my feet and trace patterns on the floor with my toes, “I know I just… what if they’re right?”

“You know they’re not.”

“But what if-”

“They’re wrong. Now that I think about it, you know what might help?”

“What?”

“Talking to Dr. K, cuz I remember when I was dealing with stuff both right after my last relationship and right when I started seeing Michael, he was a huge help.”

“Hmmm, I guess so? Although I feel awkward talking about certain things.”

“You can just talk about whatever you want with him.”

“I guess so. Oh, speaking of when you started dating Michael, did you ever pay Scarra that thousand dollars you owed him since you in fact were not single by the end of that year?”

* * *

“Lam? You’ve been really quiet today.” Tokkuno says, eyes furrowed and lips pressed together slightly. I try to shrug it off as being tired, but I know it’s hard to sleep since I see the messages whenever I close my eyes.

_**Kill yourself you stupid bitch. You don’t fuckin deserve him.** _

He reaches towards me as if to pet my head, but I avoid it by getting up for something to drink. He gets up and follows me to the kitchen, hugging me from behind and gently kissing the nape of my neck.

_**You’re not good enough for him, worthless e-girl whore.** _

“Wanna go to sleep early tonight? We can cuddle and do something if you want.”

“Weren’t you gonna stream tonight?”

**_Oh my god. Imagine having the audacity to steal Sykkuno from us? He’s so fucking pure what’s he doing with a slut like you?! You should break up with him and then kill yourself. Your fucking content is trash anyway and you suck at the games you play. You’re so worthless you should be grateful he even looks at you. Fuckin do him a favor and kill yourself._ **

“But your fans-”

“And I’m dating you, Lam. I wanna spend time with you.” He says. After several minutes of my stubbornness, I finally give in. We end up cuddling in bed after playing some Genshin Impact for about an hour- just enough time to do the daily commissions and battle some bosses until we run out of resin. His arms are wrapped around me and slowly I fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. When I wake up a few hours later and leave a kiss on his neck enjoying the warmth, I hear a buzz. Dim light emanates from where my phone is and the fear settles in again, what if they were right? What if I really am worthless? Am I holding him back? My thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of him pulling me closer, so I nuzzle his neck and close my eyes.

* * *

“Hello...uhm, I’m Lam,” I say softly with an awkward smile. I almost slept through my alarm, and I am now seated in front of my computer for a talk with Dr. K. The first half-hour of the talk is me trying to warm up to the conversation.

“Are you okay? You seem really tired, have you been sleeping well?”

“Ah...No I haven’t. I’ve been having trouble sleeping actually…”

“And why is that?”

I go silent and bite my cheek and I start to think about the messages again, my phone lights up and I flinch.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah I just got startled by my phone.”

“Just startled?” He asks unconvinced and I shake my head nervously.

“What’s on your phone that you’re scared of?”

I try to take a breath before I start speaking again, “I uhm… So a few months ago my boyfriend and I accidentally revealed that we were dating during a stream. And after people found out I’ve been getting a lot of messages about it.”

“Okay, and just for clarification is your boyfriend also a streamer?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Alright, and what are the messages you’ve been getting?”

“I mean you know, the risk of like being a public figure is always the hate you get right? And like at first ya know when it was just people saying shit to me that was fine, right? Like it was always about if they don’t like how I look or they think my content is shit- which like ya know I get it. Right? Not everyone is gonna be happy with my content and I get that.” My voice cracks at the end.

“My question to you is what’s different now?”

“The comments aren’t just about me. I mean like they are but they’re not?”

“And what are they now?”

“That I don’t deserve him. That I’m stupid and useless and a whore and how I’m just holding him back and-” I choke on my words and he starts to ask me more questions. Another half-hour passes and we’re talking about the pain. We talk about how after my last relationship ended I had initially been scared to ever date again because when a relationship is public the breakup isn’t just about the two people dating- but how it feels like a divorce case and our fans decide which of us keeps custody of them. About how I’ve been so scared to tell my boyfriend all the terrible things people have been saying about our relationship. My face is wet with tears when I hear a knock at the door and a familiar voice says, “Can I come in?”

I perk up and Dr.K asks who it is, I immediately with, “Oh… uhm. Sorry, my boyfriend just knocked on the door.

“Let him in,” Dr. K says, and I take off my headphones.

“Tokkuno?”

“Chat said you were crying so I came to check on you.” He says as I wipe the tears from my face with my sleeves.

“Did chat tell you why?”

“Lily did, actually. I was in a call with her playing League when chat mentioned you were crying so when I brought it up in call she told me what’s been going on,” he says, reaching toward me and pulling me out of my chair, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared to tell you? I thought I could handle it on my own. I-” he pulls me to him and hugs me, kissing my forehead. I relax at his touch, feeling safe in his arms.

“You don’t have to handle everything on your own.” After a moment he pulls away, “I have just the thing, don’t move.”

He returns with Bimbus, who immediately scurries towards me and runs around my feet. Tokkuno sits on my chair and then pulls me onto his lap before gesturing for me to bring Bimbus onto my lap.

“Babe, I’m talking with Dr. K.”

“And I’m here for emotional support,” he says, as I pull the headphones back toward me and I turn the volume up a bit so we can both hear. I apologize for the interruption but it seems like Dr. K didn’t seem to mind. He says that he was talking to chat about communication in relationships while I was talking with my boyfriend.

When the talk ends and we’ve turned off the stream, I look at Tokkuno, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“It’s ok.” He pulls me closer to him and lets me lean my head on his shoulder.

“Tokkuno?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” 

* * *

The messages have mostly stopped- or if they’re still there they don’t reach me. I closed my Instagram DMs, and I blocked a lot of the people who would harass me on Twitter. My mods were pretty helpful too since a lot of the people that harassed me got banned from my streams. Every now and then something will slip through- usually in the Instagram comments or on Reddit, but I try to ignore them… Plus, Tokkuno can usually tell when I’ve read one of the comments cuz I start getting too lost in my thoughts.

“Lam~” he murmurs, pulling me from my thoughts. I look over at him and the sunshine coming through from the window makes his hair glisten and makes his deep brown eyes look like liquid warmth. He smiles at me with sleepy eyes and pulls me closer, “Sleep more.”

“Tokkuno, we need to eat.”

“I’ll cook breakfast in a bit.”

“I love you, but I’m not eating bean burritos for breakfast.”

“Hey, I love bean burritos.”

“Fine… but only cuz you’re cute.” There’s triumph in his grin before he kisses my cheek. And to be fair, that was probably the best those bean burritos had ever tasted.

* * *

“Wait did we never tell chat how we started dating?” I ask as he returns from the bathroom, I’m sitting on stream sipping a hot toddy and vibing to the lofi playing in the background.

“Wait we didn’t?!” He looks at chat, covering his mouth as he laughs. The chats are flooded with “no” and “storytime!”

I hold up a hand, “Remember when chat had Bimbus as their New Year’s kiss? Well you see, this one’s galaxy brain idea was to kiss me-”

“We’re starting there?” his eyes wide and hand still covering his mouth.

“Is that not where we’re supposed to start? We literally avoided talking about that for who knows how many months until we finally admitted we liked each other.”

“Wait, wait- chat wants to know when we realized we liked the other.”

“Oh gods,” I facepalm, “you first then since you brought it up.”

“Oh uhm, so I think I realized I like you when I had a really bad day and I came back to our place and you had actually made burritos for dinner and had stuff baking in the oven. It was like, this apartment felt like a home- especially since you looked the happiest I’d ever seen you when I came through the door.” His hand was still hovering over his face in embarrassment but I could see the hints of a blush.

“Wait that’s so cute.” I was giggling happily, remembering that day. He had looked really tired when he’d gotten through the front door, he looked so happy after he’d eaten everything- I don’t think we even had any leftovers that day.

“What about you? When did you know?”

“Oh gods, this is embarrassing.”

“What why?”

“I realized like way after that, like sometime after the kiss after that.”

“WHAT?!”

* * *

_That fateful drunken 4:00 AM, I told Toast about the New Year’s incident. He took a while to process it, his round sunglasses obscured his eyes, and every few moments he’d take a sip of his drink. Lily and Michael had fallen asleep cuddling while leaning against the wall, so by the time Toast finally spoke it was just me and him that were awake._

_“So.. do you like Sykkuno?”_

_“I don’t know, that’s why I’m so confused.”_

_“Well… how does he make you feel?”_

_“Like… when he’s around everything feels so comfortable. When he’s not home I get kinda sad cuz the apartment feels more like a house. And when he’s home I wanna cook for him and help him realize that he’s awesome and worthy of love, ya know?”_

_“Are you in love with Sykkuno?”_

_“What? No. Of course not that’s-” Toast gives me a look of doubt and I think about all the times I’ve fallen asleep on the couch when watching a show with Tokkuno. The times when he’d hug me and I wouldn’t want to let go. The days I would be too tired to eat but I’d make food for both of us because I know he probably hadn’t eaten in a while since he was streaming, and how seeing him smile when he’d eat my food made me really happy._

_“That’s what, Lam?”_

_“Fuck…. I didn’t even fucking realize that I can’t imagine living without him until now.”_

_“Meaning?”_

_“I’m in love with him.”_

* * *

“Wait it took you that long to realize?!” He said, his eyes widened.

“I’m literally so dense when it comes to realizing my own emotions, like sure now I know that I love you, but at that time I was just like oh he’s just a really important person in my life. It didn’t click in my head and-” he places his hand on my head and I can see the shadow of a smile on his face.

“I guess it’s a good thing I kissed you on New Year’s.”

“Even though we ignored it for a few months and didn’t start dating until you did a friggin kabe-don to me in the hallway.”

“I- hey, you did a kabe-don to me first!”

“You know, you’re cute when you’re flustered.”

* * *

“Oh my god, I saw the clip of you two talking about how you guys realized you liked each other- it was so CUTE!” Lily exclaimed before continuing, “Also I’m pretty sure the Dr. K stream was like the most affection I’ve ever seen you two show on stream- so like wow.”

“Yeah, I generally try to like, not be too much on stream since I want the viewers to enjoy their time, ya know?”

“That’s fair, but oh my gosh I’m so happy you two finally got everything sorted out- like you’re so cute together.”

“I mean, if you hadn’t pushed for me to actually talk to him about it I probably would still be wondering why the fuck he kissed me and I liked it.” I lean my head back against the wall and feel Temmie climb onto my lap, gently I pet her fur and smile.

“Okay so, who confessed first?”

“Huh? Oh uh, I guess technically he did?”

“Wait seriously? I thought it would’ve been you.”

“Lol no, I was too scared to say it first.” I laugh before noticing regret creep into Lily’s eyes, “What’s wrong?”

“I owe Scarra another thousand dollars…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scarra really be out here making the shmoney when it comes to everyone else's relationships.

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter was the one I had the most difficulty writing. For what it's worth, I almost didn't continue the story but... well now this exists.


End file.
